My healing experience
Finding my way to true healing, free from fear and panic
Finding my way to true healing, free from fear and panic
I have always believed in the body's
miraculous capacity to heal.
Since the cancer diagnosis in June 2016,
I did the best I could with what I knew.
In May 2019, I KNEW BETTER.
When I changed my perspective,
Not only have I done better,
I have no more fear;
nor more panic;
no more uncertainty;
No. More. Cancer.
Our bodies really are on our side.
They are not a problem to fix.
They are a miracle to discover!
Summary of my personal healing experience:
For most of my life, I have believed in cause and effect and the body's innate capacity to heal, when given the chance. In June 2016, when diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer, my belief system was put to the test in a big way.
The “emergency” - or was it?
The radiologist cold-heartedly broke the news that I was in for chemo, surgery and radiation and that I needed to get started immediately. He was in the room for less than 10 minutes. I was in total shock and disbelief. So that's it? I thought. Was this really happening?!
Before I left the mammography center, appointments were already made with an oncologist and surgeon, as they hustled me on my way - so they could move on to the next victim. That's how it felt.
When I met with the oncology nurse and asked if there were any other possible treatment options, she looked me right in the eye and said "No." The conventional route was the only thing they were willing to discuss, period. I knew there were other options because, 20 years ago, I had researched alternative cancer treatments for my dear friend, Lola, and learned about of several holistic cancer treatment options at that time. Even so, I agreed to meet with the oncologist and surgeon while at the same time started researching as if my life depended on it - because it did!
When I met with the oncologist and surgeon, I was made to feel like it was urgent for me to take immediate action and that it would be a huge mistake if I didn't follow the recommended course of treatment. In fact, chemo was going to start the very next week!
Against their high-pressure “standard-of-care” recommendations, and with great conviction, I chose to decline. I was determined to zero in on what factor(s) caused this dis-ease in my body and go about healing naturally, whatever it took. I started absorbing as much information I could, as quickly as possible, until I decided what to do next.
July 2016: Three-Week Detox
Feeling confident and hopeful, I began my healing journey at a biological medicine clinic in Arizona. While there, I underwent a barrage of intense holistic, detoxifying treatments 9-5, M-F for 3 weeks, while simultaneously making radical dietary changes. Naively, I thought that after my time there, I would be well on my way to recovery and would soon be getting on with life-as-usual. I was mistaken. This was going to take longer than 3 weeks.
At the time, I felt fortunate to find a local Naturopath to continue the daily IV infusions and who agreed with the Arizona Naturopath about the supplements I was taking. There was some comfort in that. It was during my IV treatments that I read the book, Radical Remission, which was reassuring because I was already doing all of the things recommended in that book.
Another rude awakening
After 4+ months of a variety of expensive and exhausting daily treatments, adhering to a strict diet, and massive supplementation, I was shocked to find out that the tumor had grown! I was taken aback by this news and didn't understand how that could be possible. The mixed messages I received from multiple "expert" sources didn't help matters at all. I immediately stopped all treatments. It was time to regroup and reassess.
Yep, I did it: Mastectomy - January 2017
Feeling lost, afraid, and duped, I succumbed to having a mastectomy. Given how my husband and I were feeling and what we knew at the time, surgery was a good choice. There was a certain sense of relief that the 6.5 cm, chest wall-invading tumor was gone.
After the surgery, I thought I was cancer-free. After losing half of my chest, the chest wall and 15 lymph nodes (only one of which contained cancer cells), and having been told there were “clear margins”, I was certain I was done. It was Celebration Time!
Not so fast ... I saw the oncologist who once again recommended chemo, radiation and “the pill”. Stunned, I remember asking her, “You mean the same treatments you recommended 6 months ago?” Yes, that's exactly what she meant. I couldn't believe it!
Well, that wasn't going to happen. Never saw her again.
Much more research to be done
After the mastectomy and surprise that followed, I dove in to research mode once again. With the Grace of God, I was going to put together a support system and new healthcare team to get me through this one way or the other - professionals I could trust who would understand and fully support my approach to healing. The process took incredible determination, persistence, and a willingness to make adjustments along the way.
Next giant steps - March 2017 to May 2019
("mainstream" alternative healing phase, cont.)
I discovered and devoured the chrisbeatcancer.com website, the work of Dr. Veronique Desaulniers, Founder of Breast Cancer Conqueror, and absorbed everything I could get my hands on regarding alternative/integrative cancer treatments, including the entire, so-called Truth About Cancer series. I worked with a compassionate health coach and local integrative doctor who supported me with their approaches, and I joined several private, holistically-oriented cancer support Facebook groups. All of these things brought me a certain sense of comfort at the time, especially connecting with dozens of other women who were also dealing with breast cancer in a non-conventional way.
During those two years, I continued with countless costly and anxiety-producing lab tests and followed so many healing protocols, it made my head spin. My life was all about cancer, avoiding recurrence, and the fear and uncertainty that accompanied every lab test, ache and pain.
I wondered if I would I ever be able to enjoy life again, without fear.
Something wasn’t right
While I appreciated the support from many of those seemingly well-meaning folks, something was definitely missing. It never made sense to me to take dozens of supplements, nor was it financially sustainable. For every little thing that came up, there was yet another supplement, protocol, or anxiety-inducing lab test recommendation.
It never made sense to me to follow a radically strict diet so different from how I had eaten my entire life. And all those conflicting diet recommendations from so-called experts was confusing, to put it mildly.
I still believed that cancer was the enemy (even though the tumors were gone), and everything I had done so far was to conquer that enemy - whatever it took. I even considered additional natural healing protocols, including outrageously expensive clinics in Mexico and elsewhere, which were constantly being presented in the alternative healing cancer support groups. The message was: You'd better not let up, or else! Let’s just throw everything at her, no matter the cost, or if it makes sense, or how long it takes - and see what sticks!
Would there ever be an end to this Catch 22, I wondered?
I was feeling really anxious and was experiencing some nagging physical symptoms that couldn't be explained or resolved with nutrition, supplements, chiropractic, PT, OT, lymphatic massage, Bowen work, acupuncture, hypnotherapy, meditation, energy healing (EFT, EMDR, Reiki, etc.), or any other natural healing modality. Name it and I most likely tried it.
In addition to the unresolved symptoms I was living with, there was an underlying fear of recurrence and, God forbid, so called "metastasis", which came in large part from witnessing so many beloved friends believing that their cancer had "spread", along with the associated fear they were expressing. Tragically, many have died. I wondered if I too was in deep weeds again and thought to myself, was my body dying a slow death too? I was stuck and my joy had withered to a trickle.
It became crystal clear that I needed to keep investigating, and to disengage from those cancer support groups. I realized that I was literally absorbing the fear of others, including some of their physical symptoms!
There had to be another way. When the student is ready, the teachers appear. Divine Guidance is my Numero Uno teacher, and I took that next step with an eager and open mind.
May 2019 - Enlisting the voices of reason
My turning point ... Shifting the paradigm
I have grown to trust implicitly the advice of Dr. Carolyn Dean MD ND, author of The Magnesium Miracle. Hers is one major voice of reason. While cancer is not Dr. Dean's specialty, she really knows her stuff so I inquired about her cancer FAQs. Wow. It was through Dr. Dean that I learned about the complementary fields of German New Medicine (GNM), Total Biology and Recall Healing. With a renewed sense of hope, I dove in and learned everything I could. For the first time in three years, this felt RIGHT!
I started working with a highly experienced German New Medicine specialist in identifying and releasing, once and for all, the stressors that caused my mind-brain-body to react with the symptoms that modern medicine calls “disease”. The most obvious shock for me was a cancer diagnosis and my thoughts and beliefs about the meaning of having such a condition. Uncovering, completely understanding, and transforming the interconnected events in my life that led to this diagnosis and other physical-mental-emotional symptoms has been a profound experience.
I was ready and willing to do the deep healing work, I was strong enough to manage the symptoms that accompany healing, and it was absolutely worth every ache, pain, and tear. Totally committed to the process. I was gently guided, using many different therapeutic approaches, to a deep understanding, and ultimately to healing myself. My practitioner was especially skilled at detecting the many "blind spots” I had missed and then helping me to resolve them. Those blind spots have dropped away in miraculous and wonderful ways, right along with the nagging symptoms, many of which I have struggled with for most of my life.
I now know and understand exactly what caused the cancer to activate in my body. Guess what? Cancer was not the enemy! Nor is any other disease, ache or pain. In fact, I learned that with the type of breast cancer I had, my miraculous body was already in healing mode when the tumors were discovered! There are times, of course, when surgical intervention is necessary. It turns out that in my case, it was not.
The enemy was FEAR. That fear was triggered by not understanding how the body adapts so beautifully to the inevitable stressors we all face, and not understanding what various (sometimes scary) symptoms mean while we are healing. When I "got" the biological connections to the symptoms I was experiencing, there was an immediate feeling of relief. That relief loosened my grip on fear and opened the pathway to clarity and peace of mind. Now, when ANY new symptom appears, my awareness of German New Medicine principles explains its biological purpose, and I can then focus on releasing the stress around the situation. When the stress is released, so goes the symptom!
I am incredibly grateful to have finally found my way to true healing and have emerged stronger than ever. With my newfound understanding that is expanding by the day, I KNOW BETTER and I will never fear cancer, or any other disease, again. The phrase "knowledge is power" - the right kind of knowledge - has a whole new meaning for me as I apply what I am learning to my life. My joy is re-emerging in extraordinary ways.
I now embrace my experience with cancer as my answer. It's been a courageous adventure that has tested my open-mindedness to-the-max and has ultimately led to new insights, new perspectives, true healing and most of all, deep gratitude and a renewed appreciation for life. Yep - I had the power all along. I just needed to learn it for myself!
By the Grace of God, I have arrived at that place where I am holding my entire story and can see that every single thing makes perfect sense.
I am in control. I. Am. Healed. And I intend to keep it that way!
Light of a Clear Blue Morning, by the Wailin' Jennys
My Theme Song - From fear to freedom: